So yesterday I wrote about the girl who was giving me problems. Well, this morning she was an angel. She got up and took a shower, changed, and did her chore all before worship time. I was so impressed. Last night I had told her that there are consequences to her behavior and that she would be punished the next day. This morning I told her that she couldn’t swim for two days and she excepted it graciously. I was afraid that she was going to get angry again and start giving me attitude, but she didn’t. She came up to me right before devotional and she told me that she was going to do what I said last night. She was going to try harder to behave well and that she wants to be good. I don’t even remember all that I said last night, but that just tells me that God answered my prayer last night and had given me the words to say. Not only did He give me the words, but He let those words reach her. We hugged and she said that she said that she loved me and she continued on without a problem.
Although it was nice to have someone behave well, it doesn’t mean that this morning went by smoothly…Evelin was laying down on the floor and it was Kenia’s chore to sweep the floor. Evelin wouldn’t listen to her when she said to move and so Kenia sweeped the dirt into her face. I told Kenia that there are other ways to get Evelin to move. I told her that she needs to have respect for other people and that she needs to say sorry. This is when she freaked out on me. She started calling me dirty and something along the lines of old hag. Who knows what else she said. She ripped down the star chart I made for her and didn’t listen to anything I said. I talked to her sternly and gave her different punishments, but finally I gave up and decided to call Maria Jose to deal with her. While I was out calling Maria Jose, one of the older girls heard the way she was talking to me and went in the room to deal with her. She scared Kenia by grabbing her by the neck. I know it’s not the best way, but that’s what happened. Kenia was crying when I came back with Maria Jose. She kept saying that she wanted to go home and that she’d never go to school and that it was all because of me. I tried to talk to her nicely as she laid in her bed angry, but she didn’t listen. I told her that I just want the best for her and that I hate having to punish her, but if she acts that way I have to. She said that she doesn’t like me and she hates all the volunteers that come and that she doesn’t want our goodnight kisses or anything from us. I think God is helping me see people in a different light because I know I should have been angry at her, but instead I felt sorry for her. I wanted to help her, but I didn’t know how.
After all the kids left, I made my day a little brighter by having some nutella and bread. Oh the wonders of nutella.
So as I always do, I want to ask you to please send up a prayer right now for my girls and for me so that I have the patience and wisdom to help them.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
April 20
Tonight one of the girls was giving me a hard time. She was slamming doors and yelling and talking back big time. After I finally got her to calm down and go to bed, I went to each of the girls to kiss them goodnight and to spend a little time talking with each of them. I came to her last and she was head to toe covered in her blanket. With the ridiculous heat, I started to sweat just by looking at her. She was angry of course, but I pulled the blanket down and I talked to her. As much as I wanted to yell at her for giving me such a hard time, I restrained. It took a lot out of me. I was praying that something would go through and that I wouldn‘t think too much about how I felt about her at the moment, but more about how much God loves her and how much she‘s been through. I tried to encourage her and help her realize that she doesn’t have to act the way that she does. We talked for a while (well, I did most of the talking), but at least she listened and said a few things here and there. I prayed with her at the end and kissed her goodnight. If it weren’t for God’s help there’s no way I could have kept my cool. I wanted to smack that child. Shows you how loving I am. If you have time, please send a prayer up for this one girl and for me so that I deal with her the way He wants me to.
At the Infa, things have been as crazy as ever. Good news though… Lixi is back! I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that, but yes… my baby is back. She hadn’t come to the Infa for a long time. I missed her so much. I’ve been going earlier to the Infa because her mom asked me to. She said that she can’t work because she has to take care of Lixi. I told her I would go earlier to take care of Lixi and her dirty diapers. The thing is every morning they have an excuse and they bring her late. It’s very frustrating because I could be resting back at the Hogar. My days are very very long especially when there are classes. In classes I’m working with the kids who are behind. There are these siblings who both have some very serious problems in reading and learning. They don’t know any of their alphabet or numbers. I tried to explain why we use the alphabet and that we use letters to form words, but they still didn’t understand. They don’t even know the concept of words or letters. It worries me because I don’t think anyone will take them time to teach them when I leave. I ask them what they’re writing in their notebooks and the kids have no idea. They just copy what’s on the board. The teachers don’t care if they don’t know what it means. They’ll pass them anyways and won‘t take the time to explain it to them. A lot of the kids get really angry if I sit them down and try to help them, but I know that if I give up, they’ll never learn. Some of the kids throw things and yell at me… such as Anayeli. I just wish there was someone who would continue when I’m gone. Their teachers aren’t taking the time to teach them and their parents definitely aren’t taking the time.
Even though it’s extremely stressful, I really enjoy it. I love seeing the kids’ faces when they understand something or when they do something right. I want to continue with it when I get back. I do need a job for the summer and I’m praying that God opens a door for me to work somewhere that will let me continue something along these lines. Pray for me please!!
At the Infa, things have been as crazy as ever. Good news though… Lixi is back! I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that, but yes… my baby is back. She hadn’t come to the Infa for a long time. I missed her so much. I’ve been going earlier to the Infa because her mom asked me to. She said that she can’t work because she has to take care of Lixi. I told her I would go earlier to take care of Lixi and her dirty diapers. The thing is every morning they have an excuse and they bring her late. It’s very frustrating because I could be resting back at the Hogar. My days are very very long especially when there are classes. In classes I’m working with the kids who are behind. There are these siblings who both have some very serious problems in reading and learning. They don’t know any of their alphabet or numbers. I tried to explain why we use the alphabet and that we use letters to form words, but they still didn’t understand. They don’t even know the concept of words or letters. It worries me because I don’t think anyone will take them time to teach them when I leave. I ask them what they’re writing in their notebooks and the kids have no idea. They just copy what’s on the board. The teachers don’t care if they don’t know what it means. They’ll pass them anyways and won‘t take the time to explain it to them. A lot of the kids get really angry if I sit them down and try to help them, but I know that if I give up, they’ll never learn. Some of the kids throw things and yell at me… such as Anayeli. I just wish there was someone who would continue when I’m gone. Their teachers aren’t taking the time to teach them and their parents definitely aren’t taking the time.
Even though it’s extremely stressful, I really enjoy it. I love seeing the kids’ faces when they understand something or when they do something right. I want to continue with it when I get back. I do need a job for the summer and I’m praying that God opens a door for me to work somewhere that will let me continue something along these lines. Pray for me please!!
April 18
Today we said goodbye to our room. Two of the volunteers left last week and so the room was open for the taking. At first we were hesitant because our smelly cramped cubicle had grown on us over these last 7 months. We had a lot of good memories in there… Javier and his cookies, waking up to Elias making his raptor sound, learning how to hula while the boys were gone, being able to walk out and say goodnight to the boys, throwing things over the wall, the alergia song on the ukelele, and so many more. Of course sometimes these memories were not so pleasant such as the smell or when they threw gross stuff over the wall. Altogether, it was a good experience and I will miss that room.
Now we’re settled in the new room and there are some perks. First thing that comes to mind is the space. In our old room sometimes I would actually stress out when there were too many kids in our room (claustrophobia?), but now it doesn‘t bother me. Another thing is that this room is altogether cooler. If the fans weren’t working in our other room, we would start dripping sweat quickly. A third thing is the refrigerator. We have one!! This is very very very exciting especially after a long day at the Infa when I crave cold water. Also I have a place to put my nutella (thanks mom). And to top it off, we have hot water in our bathroom! It’s been a while since I’ve actually wanted to stay in the shower for longer than a second. I feel very spoiled… and I like it.
Now we’re settled in the new room and there are some perks. First thing that comes to mind is the space. In our old room sometimes I would actually stress out when there were too many kids in our room (claustrophobia?), but now it doesn‘t bother me. Another thing is that this room is altogether cooler. If the fans weren’t working in our other room, we would start dripping sweat quickly. A third thing is the refrigerator. We have one!! This is very very very exciting especially after a long day at the Infa when I crave cold water. Also I have a place to put my nutella (thanks mom). And to top it off, we have hot water in our bathroom! It’s been a while since I’ve actually wanted to stay in the shower for longer than a second. I feel very spoiled… and I like it.
April 16
It was a sad day for many of the kids today. Two of the volunteers Hannah and Laurel left this morning. I watched as Hannah embraced one of the girls. The car was ready to go, but they continued to hold each other for what seemed like forever. Things would never be the same for them. It hurt me to watch because I knew that my time would coming soon. Last night there was a special worship and some of the kids went up and said some things about the girls and thanking them for their love and their friendship. Many of the kids were crying and I wanted to cry myself. It reminded me how short of a time I have here and that I need to spend all the time I can with these kids. I don’t want to miss out on any memories I can have with them because it’s going to be over before I know it.
April 14
Happy Birthday Kuya Japtheth!
It’s my brother’s birthday and I can just picture my family going out to eat this weekend. Whether it be the Chinese buffet or Korean BBQ, there’s going to be some serious Filipino gathering happening. I’m looking forward to the weekend I get home. I get back the day after my dad’s birthday and I’m positive we’ll be celebrating it with all 20 of us (sometimes more). Sooo excited.
Did I ever tell you what happened to our roommate? Well, if you happen to like mice, you may not want to continue. Carlitos (maintenance guy) put mouse poison out for him. (I know, we’re not very good roommates… but he was eating our food). It had been a while and there was no dead mouse smell so I had forgotten about him. Then one day while I was out and about, Tarynn found the little guy dead right in front of our bathroom door. Thankfully Tarynn was the one to see it because if it were me, who knows what kind of terrifying screams I would of let out. She called Pancho (other maintenance guy) and he just picked it up by the tail and took him outside. And that was the end of our roommate.
Another thing I want to do is thank everyone for their prayers. Taking care of the girls has gotten easier. They still say that they miss Amanda, but they don’t turn on me anymore… at least not all of them at once. It just depends on the day I guess. One day there was this girl Kenia that was acting terrible. Her chore was to mop the room. She did a bad job and so I told her to do it again. I told her that if she had done it well the first time she wouldn’t have to do it again (haha…such a mom thing to say, right?) This was not what she wanted to hear and so she started yelling at me and giving me really bad attitude. She even told me that I should die. Her anger continued that night and she wouldn’t get into bed. I tried to punish her and did everything I could, but she still didn’t listen. Not only that, she was extremely disrespectful in all that she said and did. I finally ended up calling Maria Jose to deal with her because nothing I was doing worked. The next day, she was a lot better.
One day the kids are angry and the next day they love you with all they have. I’m learning what it means to really forgive and forget. I hear this all the time and I say that I forgive and forget someone‘s actions toward me, but then I look at these kids and how they forgive and forget. My idea of forgiving and forgetting is a lot different then theirs. Do I really forgive and forget? Or do I say that I do and leave the little hint of grudge? Do I secretly think that the person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven or that if I let it go it won’t be fair to me and that “justice” needs to be done? Would I want someone else to forgive me the way that I forgive others? Of course not. I need to actually let things go and realize that holding on to things doesn’t get back at the other person, it’s really hurting me. I admit that I’ve been angry at these kids and then for the next day I dwell on that anger and don’t give them the same attention I normally would. But now I think to myself, what’s the point? They’re over it. I’m the one that’s suffering. They’ve already put it in the past and they still love me after I yell at them. I need to learn a lesson from them. God tells us to forgive and forget for a reason. It heals us a lot quicker than grudges do. Leave the past in the past. Forgive and forget… but not like I forgive and forget. Forgive and forget like a child does.
It’s my brother’s birthday and I can just picture my family going out to eat this weekend. Whether it be the Chinese buffet or Korean BBQ, there’s going to be some serious Filipino gathering happening. I’m looking forward to the weekend I get home. I get back the day after my dad’s birthday and I’m positive we’ll be celebrating it with all 20 of us (sometimes more). Sooo excited.
Did I ever tell you what happened to our roommate? Well, if you happen to like mice, you may not want to continue. Carlitos (maintenance guy) put mouse poison out for him. (I know, we’re not very good roommates… but he was eating our food). It had been a while and there was no dead mouse smell so I had forgotten about him. Then one day while I was out and about, Tarynn found the little guy dead right in front of our bathroom door. Thankfully Tarynn was the one to see it because if it were me, who knows what kind of terrifying screams I would of let out. She called Pancho (other maintenance guy) and he just picked it up by the tail and took him outside. And that was the end of our roommate.
Another thing I want to do is thank everyone for their prayers. Taking care of the girls has gotten easier. They still say that they miss Amanda, but they don’t turn on me anymore… at least not all of them at once. It just depends on the day I guess. One day there was this girl Kenia that was acting terrible. Her chore was to mop the room. She did a bad job and so I told her to do it again. I told her that if she had done it well the first time she wouldn’t have to do it again (haha…such a mom thing to say, right?) This was not what she wanted to hear and so she started yelling at me and giving me really bad attitude. She even told me that I should die. Her anger continued that night and she wouldn’t get into bed. I tried to punish her and did everything I could, but she still didn’t listen. Not only that, she was extremely disrespectful in all that she said and did. I finally ended up calling Maria Jose to deal with her because nothing I was doing worked. The next day, she was a lot better.
One day the kids are angry and the next day they love you with all they have. I’m learning what it means to really forgive and forget. I hear this all the time and I say that I forgive and forget someone‘s actions toward me, but then I look at these kids and how they forgive and forget. My idea of forgiving and forgetting is a lot different then theirs. Do I really forgive and forget? Or do I say that I do and leave the little hint of grudge? Do I secretly think that the person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven or that if I let it go it won’t be fair to me and that “justice” needs to be done? Would I want someone else to forgive me the way that I forgive others? Of course not. I need to actually let things go and realize that holding on to things doesn’t get back at the other person, it’s really hurting me. I admit that I’ve been angry at these kids and then for the next day I dwell on that anger and don’t give them the same attention I normally would. But now I think to myself, what’s the point? They’re over it. I’m the one that’s suffering. They’ve already put it in the past and they still love me after I yell at them. I need to learn a lesson from them. God tells us to forgive and forget for a reason. It heals us a lot quicker than grudges do. Leave the past in the past. Forgive and forget… but not like I forgive and forget. Forgive and forget like a child does.
April 10
Happy Sabbath! (:
I love Sabbaths. We usually go on some nature outing with the kids. Today some of the kids went to the lake, some went to the river, and others went to visit someone’s grandmother. There were only a few kids left at the Hogar and at first I enjoyed the sweet quiet time by playing guitar outside. That was great for a while, but being with kids all the time, I get bored a lot easier if they’re not around. I went back into the courtyard to find two girls laying there listening to music. I brought some lollipops and plopped myself down on the ground where they were laying. They had watched the movie “Mouse Trap” the day before and they were telling me all about it. Apparently it was the best movie ever made. After telling me about all of it and it’s glory, they convinced us to go up the mountain behind the Hogar. We gathered up the rest of the people who stayed… which weren’t very many (Five was the total count).
It was such a beautiful day. The five of us climbed up on top of a water tank and looked out at the view. I had brought a bag with me because the kids said there were mangos. Unfortunately some of the other kids had been there sometime before us and picked all of them. We were bummed, but the kids said there was still hope because there was a tamarind tree if we walked farther. We kept going up the trail and to my surprise, the trail opened up to a big open space. The sun was shining through the blossoming trees and there wasn‘t a person in sight. The kids brought us to a tamarind tree and two of them climbed right up (these monkey children all climb trees in a split second). Tarynn followed the kids up while Maria and I stayed below to catch the tamarinds. Sometimes our heads would actually catch them (which wasn’t always an accident).
After that, we went the other way to visit Dario’s mom. She is such a sweet lady (just like her son). She gave us some food and let us pick some mangoes from her tree. Her other son (another monkey child) climbed up the tree and picked the mangoes for us. After experiencing the pain of tamarinds falling on my head, I decided I wouldn’t test the mangoes.
We rushed back as the sun was setting and made it just in time for worship. We all sat under the stars listening to the worship talk. I must confess… I wasn’t listening to a word she said. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much God has blessed me. Days like these remind me how much God delights in us. He wants us to enjoy his nature and enjoy the company of his other children.
I love Sabbaths. We usually go on some nature outing with the kids. Today some of the kids went to the lake, some went to the river, and others went to visit someone’s grandmother. There were only a few kids left at the Hogar and at first I enjoyed the sweet quiet time by playing guitar outside. That was great for a while, but being with kids all the time, I get bored a lot easier if they’re not around. I went back into the courtyard to find two girls laying there listening to music. I brought some lollipops and plopped myself down on the ground where they were laying. They had watched the movie “Mouse Trap” the day before and they were telling me all about it. Apparently it was the best movie ever made. After telling me about all of it and it’s glory, they convinced us to go up the mountain behind the Hogar. We gathered up the rest of the people who stayed… which weren’t very many (Five was the total count).
It was such a beautiful day. The five of us climbed up on top of a water tank and looked out at the view. I had brought a bag with me because the kids said there were mangos. Unfortunately some of the other kids had been there sometime before us and picked all of them. We were bummed, but the kids said there was still hope because there was a tamarind tree if we walked farther. We kept going up the trail and to my surprise, the trail opened up to a big open space. The sun was shining through the blossoming trees and there wasn‘t a person in sight. The kids brought us to a tamarind tree and two of them climbed right up (these monkey children all climb trees in a split second). Tarynn followed the kids up while Maria and I stayed below to catch the tamarinds. Sometimes our heads would actually catch them (which wasn’t always an accident).
After that, we went the other way to visit Dario’s mom. She is such a sweet lady (just like her son). She gave us some food and let us pick some mangoes from her tree. Her other son (another monkey child) climbed up the tree and picked the mangoes for us. After experiencing the pain of tamarinds falling on my head, I decided I wouldn’t test the mangoes.
We rushed back as the sun was setting and made it just in time for worship. We all sat under the stars listening to the worship talk. I must confess… I wasn’t listening to a word she said. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much God has blessed me. Days like these remind me how much God delights in us. He wants us to enjoy his nature and enjoy the company of his other children.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
April 4
Today some of us went to a waterfall. It was a really nice break from taking care of the girls. We drove for about an hour to get to the starting point and then hiked for a little bit until we go there. The weather was cold because we were up in the mountains, but somehow the kids still convinced me to get in the water… or was it that they splashed water on me until I got in? I can’t remember. J Either way, it was a lot of fun.
Sometimes I forget that I’m in Honduras. Outings such as this one remind me where I am and how lucky I am to have this opportunity. I live in this beautiful country and I can drive forty five minutes and literally be in the jungle. I went swimming by a waterfall today and drove back home in the back of a pick up truck while it was raining. I know that may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I definitely loved it. Life back at home is nothing like life over here and I know that I’m going to miss it. Sometimes I don’t always make the most of my time here and instead of choosing to go out and have an adventure with the kids, I choose to stay behind. I hope that I don’t do that these last two months. I want to soak in all that I can before I have to leave it all behind.
Sometimes I forget that I’m in Honduras. Outings such as this one remind me where I am and how lucky I am to have this opportunity. I live in this beautiful country and I can drive forty five minutes and literally be in the jungle. I went swimming by a waterfall today and drove back home in the back of a pick up truck while it was raining. I know that may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I definitely loved it. Life back at home is nothing like life over here and I know that I’m going to miss it. Sometimes I don’t always make the most of my time here and instead of choosing to go out and have an adventure with the kids, I choose to stay behind. I hope that I don’t do that these last two months. I want to soak in all that I can before I have to leave it all behind.
April 2
It’s my second day with the girls and I’ve already cried. Today I had to get them to clean their room before they showered for vespers. I was trying so hard, but no one would listen. They also kept reminding me that they didn’t like me and wanted me to go back to America because they wanted the other volunteer back. They gave me so much attitude, I wanted to scream. So instead of screaming, I just walked out of the room and fast walked to my room, closed the door and cried. I think the girls realized they had pushed me to my point and one of the girls came in after a while and said they had cleaned the room. Thankfully I had enough time to fix my face. I know that it’s hard for them because year after year, they become close to someone and they end up leaving. They have to have a defense mechanism. I don’t blame them for my mini break down, I’m just frustrated with the situation. I don’t know how to fix it and I’m tired of having to fight with them all the time.
March 30
Okay, so one more day of freedom. I have tomorrow left and then I’m going to have to take care of the girls starting on Thursday. Amanda already gave me advice on how to handle the girls in certain situations and she gave me all of her equipment (stickers, charts, a christian spanish CD for kids, etc.). I should feel ready to take them on, but it‘s not like that at all. But the more I think about it, there’s another part of me that is telling me that I need it. You know how we often take advantage of the things we need the most? Well, maybe this experience will help me open my eyes more and more and help me not go a moment without falling on my knees for help. Maybe it will force me to realize (and realize it often) that I need God‘s power to work through me and in me. I can’t do it on my own and I need to ask for help.
March 28
Today is my weekend work day. I just finished putting the girls to sleep and I’m extremely tired. The girl that usually takes care of them tells them stories at night. This is a lot harder than it sounds. In case you forgot… I’m in Honduras. I’m still dealing with these things in Spanish. I‘m not where I want to be in my Spanish, but I’m still trying my hardest to tell them stories on the days I put them to bed. I’m surprised the girls don’t pass on the stories. They still want to hear it even though they have to wait extra long for the words to come out of my mouth and a lot of times they have to correct me. Thankfully they’re patient with me in that area. The problem is, as soon as Amanda leaves this week, they’re going to be asking me for more stories. While this may be good for my Spanish, it means I have to work extra hard to search for stories. I’m already struggling to remember stories. Don't judge me, but...I took the video fifty first dates and told them that… well… the general idea. Girl has a serious problem, guy falls in love with her, guy works to get her, girl doesn’t want him to get hurt, guy leaves, guy comes back, happy ending. I only hope they understood. Uncle Arthur, where are you when I need you?
March 25
Recently things have been very very rough on me. I feel as though sometimes this place brings out the worst in me. I’ve been thinking about home more and more. Do you remember when I said that I’m torn about leaving here? Some days I want to give up and go home and other days I can’t imagine leaving? Well recently I’ve been wanting to give up. Things seem to be getting crazier at the Infa. There are always kids calling my name and tugging on me. There have been times when I’ve had 5 kids yelling my name at the same time. I’m not exaggerating. And these kids don’t just say what they want once, they repeat and repeat until they get it. There’s one jumping on my back and wanting to play. There’s another pulling my arm because they want me to get them a glass of water. There’s another one crying and saying that someone just hit them. There’s someone bleeding all kinds and I need to go clean them up and bandage it. There’s someone asking for toilet paper (the kids have to ask us every time they need it). Of course there are many other reasons they could be yelling my name, but these are the ones that I hear very often. I especially hate dealing with the kids who are fighting. They’re already in a bad mood and they like to redirect that anger on me after I punish them. Pray for me and my patience. I definitely need more of it.
March 23
Next week one of the other student missionaries is going to leave. This means that I have to take over the little girls’ room. All this time I’ve been like the babysitter. I would take care of them on the weekend. I would always dread having to work on the weekend because you know how kids behave for the babysitter or the substitute teacher. It’s always ten times worse than normal. That’s what I have to deal with every weekend when I have to take care of the girl’s room. I remember the first time I had to take care of them. Right after they went to bed, I ran to my room and cried. Now I have to be with them everyday for the rest of my time here. I feel bad about it, but I feel a lot closer to the kids at the Infa. They’re just as rowdy, sometimes more, but I know how to handle it at the Infa. I’m at the Infa most of the day. I don’t know what to do here at the Hogar. Amanda (the one that is taking care of the girls right now) said that she felt the same way when she started taking care of the girls. They wouldn’t listen and they would be absolutely terrible with her, but after they got used to her, they settled down. The thing is, I don’t feel like I have any more patience for the “getting used to me” part. I need a lot of prayer because next week my work load gets a lot heavier and I’m scared that I’m going to be snapping at the kids more than having the patience that I want to have.
At the Infa things are stressful… especially on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. The missionaries before us started a reading program with the kids and I wanted to start it up again. When I was helping some of the kids with their homework, I found kids that are in 6th grade who still cannot read. This really got to me because my parents have always pushed me to do well in school and I feel like there’s no one to push these kids and even if they want to, the teachers don’t always give them the attention they need. So what I’m doing is paying a teacher around $7.50 each week to help these kids. Thankfully the Seventh Day Adventist church in Newbury Park “the Place” has donated money and I’m going to use that to continue paying her and buying supplies for these kids. She’s actually a teacher at the high school and agreed to help out. She’s definitely not in it for the money and I’m thankful that there’s someone like her to help from her heart. The first day she came she told the kids, “Never believe anyone that tells you that you aren’t smart. All of you are very intelligent. The problem is the teacher. It has nothing to do with you. They didn’t teach you right, but It’s okay because now I’m here and I’m going to teach you.” That right there won me over. I could already tell that she cared about the kids. Although we have a teacher and I’m there helping, there’s still one major problem. The kids that really really need to come aren’t coming. I’ve already started to bribe them by telling them if they stay they’ll get lollipops. I feel like I need to talk to the 6th grader’s mom, but even then, sometimes the parents may not even care. It’s been hard especially because I’ve tried so hard to set this up for them and then when I talk to those who really need to come, they agree that they’ll stay. Then three o’clock comes around and they run down the street. One day I ran out to the street and called after them. I was desperate. I called for those certain kids to come back so I could talk to them. I wanted to at least try to convince them to stay. They turned around and started dashing down the street. I was so frustrated that I was about to cry, but I told myself that there are others in the class right now that want to learn and I have to do all I can for them. So I went back to the classroom and started helping the kids who are younger. The teacher takes the older kids and I take the younger ones. There are these certain kids who I cannot control. They were disrupting the whole class and anything and everything I did wouldn’t work. I couldn’t sit there and watch them the whole time, I had to help different kids with their work. I was going crazy. I wanted to spend the time with certain kids (there’s this one boy who would switch b for c and s for f. He didn‘t know his alphabet either). Anyways, at the end of the class, I gave the lollipops to everyone except for these certain troublemakers and the boys flipped out. At first they started begging me and saying sorry. When they realized that there was no way I would give in, they became angry and yelled not so nice things at me and the teacher. I wanted to take them out of the class forever, but these kids need it. They’re the ones we see at the Infa early because they say their teachers kicked them out. How are they supposed to learn anything if the teachers are kicking them out and if we‘re kicking them out too? They need special attention and I want to give it to them, but I don’t have enough of me to give special attention that I want to give to everyone. I really don’t know what to do.
At the Infa things are stressful… especially on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. The missionaries before us started a reading program with the kids and I wanted to start it up again. When I was helping some of the kids with their homework, I found kids that are in 6th grade who still cannot read. This really got to me because my parents have always pushed me to do well in school and I feel like there’s no one to push these kids and even if they want to, the teachers don’t always give them the attention they need. So what I’m doing is paying a teacher around $7.50 each week to help these kids. Thankfully the Seventh Day Adventist church in Newbury Park “the Place” has donated money and I’m going to use that to continue paying her and buying supplies for these kids. She’s actually a teacher at the high school and agreed to help out. She’s definitely not in it for the money and I’m thankful that there’s someone like her to help from her heart. The first day she came she told the kids, “Never believe anyone that tells you that you aren’t smart. All of you are very intelligent. The problem is the teacher. It has nothing to do with you. They didn’t teach you right, but It’s okay because now I’m here and I’m going to teach you.” That right there won me over. I could already tell that she cared about the kids. Although we have a teacher and I’m there helping, there’s still one major problem. The kids that really really need to come aren’t coming. I’ve already started to bribe them by telling them if they stay they’ll get lollipops. I feel like I need to talk to the 6th grader’s mom, but even then, sometimes the parents may not even care. It’s been hard especially because I’ve tried so hard to set this up for them and then when I talk to those who really need to come, they agree that they’ll stay. Then three o’clock comes around and they run down the street. One day I ran out to the street and called after them. I was desperate. I called for those certain kids to come back so I could talk to them. I wanted to at least try to convince them to stay. They turned around and started dashing down the street. I was so frustrated that I was about to cry, but I told myself that there are others in the class right now that want to learn and I have to do all I can for them. So I went back to the classroom and started helping the kids who are younger. The teacher takes the older kids and I take the younger ones. There are these certain kids who I cannot control. They were disrupting the whole class and anything and everything I did wouldn’t work. I couldn’t sit there and watch them the whole time, I had to help different kids with their work. I was going crazy. I wanted to spend the time with certain kids (there’s this one boy who would switch b for c and s for f. He didn‘t know his alphabet either). Anyways, at the end of the class, I gave the lollipops to everyone except for these certain troublemakers and the boys flipped out. At first they started begging me and saying sorry. When they realized that there was no way I would give in, they became angry and yelled not so nice things at me and the teacher. I wanted to take them out of the class forever, but these kids need it. They’re the ones we see at the Infa early because they say their teachers kicked them out. How are they supposed to learn anything if the teachers are kicking them out and if we‘re kicking them out too? They need special attention and I want to give it to them, but I don’t have enough of me to give special attention that I want to give to everyone. I really don’t know what to do.
March 16
Last week there was a group of Americans (the kids always referred to them as gringos). They were a college group from somewhere near Chicago. They came to build a small room at the Infa for Mirna and her son to sleep. They also came to give VBS for the kids at the Infa. The week before I was extremely excited about them coming, all the memories of what it was like with groups flooded back. Don’t get me wrong, it’s really touching that people will come to help and I’m especially happy when I get to see my kids like this, but the downside is somehow whenever groups come, the kids seem to be taking energy pills by the handful. Tarynn and I felt like all we did was punish the kids. I was tired and it didn’t help that the sun felt like dropping a 105 degree bomb on us. Last Thursday night the group invited us to have ice cream with them and we sat in a restaurant and they just asked us questions. I, of course, being the nervous wreck that I am, let Tarynn do most of the talking. They asked us questions about the kids, why we were there, how we felt, how normal days went, etc.. Although we have a lot more work on our hands when groups come, it really is a great thing that they’re doing. I know I’ve been on short term mission trips before wondering if it makes a difference to these kids if I come or stay, but now I can see that it does. These kids get so excited about people coming and I think all kids deserve to have fun like that every so and so. Plus, it makes them feel loved and they definitely need that. The kids are still singing this one song that the group taught them. Actually we all sing it… all the time. I’m not sure if I want to thank them or not. It’s called Oh Mango Tree and every time I seem to get it out of my head, someone decides to sing it again. It never ends.
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