October 4

Ladies and Gentlemen, today I killed my first cockroach. In Spanish: La cucaracha (All these years I’ve been singing that song and I had no idea it was about the dirty dirty creature that makes me want to cry). Okay, well… I didn’t exactly kill it. My best friend Raid did (I’m making a lot of best friends). I was in the room minding my own business when I turn to look at my bed and there is a big disgusting cockroach just lying there thinking that he’s going to scare me away. A month ago, it would have. But after watching Tarynn conquer the little disgusting things over and over again, I decided I’d be brave and try to take back what’s mine. (By the way… Tarynn was out doing something. I like to say that I was just brave, but I’m pretty sure if she was there, I would’ve made her kill it for me). I sprayed the Raid until the cockroach stopped moving. Then I picked it up (with a HUGE wad of toilet paper) and I flushed it down the toilet. I felt very proud of myself. Later that night when Tarynn walked in the room, she commented on the smell of the room. I admitted that I went a little crazy with the Raid and added to my defense that I was very scared. She laughed and said that the whole room smelled like Raid. I’m sure it did, but to me… it smelled like victory.

Anyways, on to other things… A group of us went to a pizza place for dinner last week. I didn’t know what to expect when it came to Honduran pizza… banana cheese… who knows. To my surprise, it was very much like pizza at home. It was actually really good… although I thought it was interesting that they gave us ketchup to eat with our pizza. Different strokes for different folks I guess. Miguel suggested that I keep the packets to give to the kids if they did something good. I thought that was weird too, but I did it anyway. The next day one of the kids helped me out when Tarynn and I were cleaning our room and so I gave him two packets. He was extremely excited and when he sees me he says, “salsa, salsa.” Who knew ketchup could be so exciting?

I also want to mention coming back home from the pizza place in our neighborhood. Ingrid and I had a nice talk again. Our group was a little on the rebellious side because it was past curfew and there were no buses and so we had to walk back to the Hogar in the dark… but it lead to our conversation about fear (and don’t worry parents… it wasn’t a dangerous walk. We were very close to the Hogar). Ingrid is a crazy woman. I say this in the best way possible. She loves to travel and to have adventures… but these adventures are sometimes on the scary side. Ingrid is a very tall German with blonde hair and blue eyes and so she’s easy to spot and that would make me be even more frightened about travelling. She has walked and camped along a beach by herself and has hitch hiked and has stayed at some random person’s house in the middle of the night in some country that I can’t remember and has done many many other things. I asked her if she was ever scared and she told me that she was at first, but she has more of the mindset that God has everything under control. She said that God would not let her die if He didn’t want her to. She finds comfort knowing that He knows exactly what is best for her and even if she ends up dying, she said that she knows it’s not an eternal death. I know many people who will read this and think that she’s absolutely crazy (in a negative way) and that she isn’t smart for travelling the way she does and saying what she says and not being careful, but I think that her point of view is very admirable. She wants to see the world and she wants to travel and so she does it knowing that she’s not travelling alone, but with the God of the universe watching over her. I know that I say that God has everything under control. I know that I also say God is with me wherever I go and that I trust God with all that I have, but sometimes I wonder if deep inside I truly believe it. That sounds terrible, doesn’t it? But it’s true. I’m not perfect. I want to believe it, but I guess it takes practice and it takes time to get to know God in a more intimate way so that I will be able to trust Him in everything I have in front of me. So I’ve got to trust God like I trust Raid. Haha, I’ve got a lot of work to do on myself folks and I’m realizing that it’s not going to be easy… but I have eight months here in Honduras for God to break me and build me up again… and I think it’s for the best.