Wednesday, April 21, 2010
April 16
It was a sad day for many of the kids today. Two of the volunteers Hannah and Laurel left this morning. I watched as Hannah embraced one of the girls. The car was ready to go, but they continued to hold each other for what seemed like forever. Things would never be the same for them. It hurt me to watch because I knew that my time would coming soon. Last night there was a special worship and some of the kids went up and said some things about the girls and thanking them for their love and their friendship. Many of the kids were crying and I wanted to cry myself. It reminded me how short of a time I have here and that I need to spend all the time I can with these kids. I don’t want to miss out on any memories I can have with them because it’s going to be over before I know it.
April 14
Happy Birthday Kuya Japtheth!
It’s my brother’s birthday and I can just picture my family going out to eat this weekend. Whether it be the Chinese buffet or Korean BBQ, there’s going to be some serious Filipino gathering happening. I’m looking forward to the weekend I get home. I get back the day after my dad’s birthday and I’m positive we’ll be celebrating it with all 20 of us (sometimes more). Sooo excited.
Did I ever tell you what happened to our roommate? Well, if you happen to like mice, you may not want to continue. Carlitos (maintenance guy) put mouse poison out for him. (I know, we’re not very good roommates… but he was eating our food). It had been a while and there was no dead mouse smell so I had forgotten about him. Then one day while I was out and about, Tarynn found the little guy dead right in front of our bathroom door. Thankfully Tarynn was the one to see it because if it were me, who knows what kind of terrifying screams I would of let out. She called Pancho (other maintenance guy) and he just picked it up by the tail and took him outside. And that was the end of our roommate.
Another thing I want to do is thank everyone for their prayers. Taking care of the girls has gotten easier. They still say that they miss Amanda, but they don’t turn on me anymore… at least not all of them at once. It just depends on the day I guess. One day there was this girl Kenia that was acting terrible. Her chore was to mop the room. She did a bad job and so I told her to do it again. I told her that if she had done it well the first time she wouldn’t have to do it again (haha…such a mom thing to say, right?) This was not what she wanted to hear and so she started yelling at me and giving me really bad attitude. She even told me that I should die. Her anger continued that night and she wouldn’t get into bed. I tried to punish her and did everything I could, but she still didn’t listen. Not only that, she was extremely disrespectful in all that she said and did. I finally ended up calling Maria Jose to deal with her because nothing I was doing worked. The next day, she was a lot better.
One day the kids are angry and the next day they love you with all they have. I’m learning what it means to really forgive and forget. I hear this all the time and I say that I forgive and forget someone‘s actions toward me, but then I look at these kids and how they forgive and forget. My idea of forgiving and forgetting is a lot different then theirs. Do I really forgive and forget? Or do I say that I do and leave the little hint of grudge? Do I secretly think that the person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven or that if I let it go it won’t be fair to me and that “justice” needs to be done? Would I want someone else to forgive me the way that I forgive others? Of course not. I need to actually let things go and realize that holding on to things doesn’t get back at the other person, it’s really hurting me. I admit that I’ve been angry at these kids and then for the next day I dwell on that anger and don’t give them the same attention I normally would. But now I think to myself, what’s the point? They’re over it. I’m the one that’s suffering. They’ve already put it in the past and they still love me after I yell at them. I need to learn a lesson from them. God tells us to forgive and forget for a reason. It heals us a lot quicker than grudges do. Leave the past in the past. Forgive and forget… but not like I forgive and forget. Forgive and forget like a child does.
It’s my brother’s birthday and I can just picture my family going out to eat this weekend. Whether it be the Chinese buffet or Korean BBQ, there’s going to be some serious Filipino gathering happening. I’m looking forward to the weekend I get home. I get back the day after my dad’s birthday and I’m positive we’ll be celebrating it with all 20 of us (sometimes more). Sooo excited.
Did I ever tell you what happened to our roommate? Well, if you happen to like mice, you may not want to continue. Carlitos (maintenance guy) put mouse poison out for him. (I know, we’re not very good roommates… but he was eating our food). It had been a while and there was no dead mouse smell so I had forgotten about him. Then one day while I was out and about, Tarynn found the little guy dead right in front of our bathroom door. Thankfully Tarynn was the one to see it because if it were me, who knows what kind of terrifying screams I would of let out. She called Pancho (other maintenance guy) and he just picked it up by the tail and took him outside. And that was the end of our roommate.
Another thing I want to do is thank everyone for their prayers. Taking care of the girls has gotten easier. They still say that they miss Amanda, but they don’t turn on me anymore… at least not all of them at once. It just depends on the day I guess. One day there was this girl Kenia that was acting terrible. Her chore was to mop the room. She did a bad job and so I told her to do it again. I told her that if she had done it well the first time she wouldn’t have to do it again (haha…such a mom thing to say, right?) This was not what she wanted to hear and so she started yelling at me and giving me really bad attitude. She even told me that I should die. Her anger continued that night and she wouldn’t get into bed. I tried to punish her and did everything I could, but she still didn’t listen. Not only that, she was extremely disrespectful in all that she said and did. I finally ended up calling Maria Jose to deal with her because nothing I was doing worked. The next day, she was a lot better.
One day the kids are angry and the next day they love you with all they have. I’m learning what it means to really forgive and forget. I hear this all the time and I say that I forgive and forget someone‘s actions toward me, but then I look at these kids and how they forgive and forget. My idea of forgiving and forgetting is a lot different then theirs. Do I really forgive and forget? Or do I say that I do and leave the little hint of grudge? Do I secretly think that the person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven or that if I let it go it won’t be fair to me and that “justice” needs to be done? Would I want someone else to forgive me the way that I forgive others? Of course not. I need to actually let things go and realize that holding on to things doesn’t get back at the other person, it’s really hurting me. I admit that I’ve been angry at these kids and then for the next day I dwell on that anger and don’t give them the same attention I normally would. But now I think to myself, what’s the point? They’re over it. I’m the one that’s suffering. They’ve already put it in the past and they still love me after I yell at them. I need to learn a lesson from them. God tells us to forgive and forget for a reason. It heals us a lot quicker than grudges do. Leave the past in the past. Forgive and forget… but not like I forgive and forget. Forgive and forget like a child does.
April 10
Happy Sabbath! (:
I love Sabbaths. We usually go on some nature outing with the kids. Today some of the kids went to the lake, some went to the river, and others went to visit someone’s grandmother. There were only a few kids left at the Hogar and at first I enjoyed the sweet quiet time by playing guitar outside. That was great for a while, but being with kids all the time, I get bored a lot easier if they’re not around. I went back into the courtyard to find two girls laying there listening to music. I brought some lollipops and plopped myself down on the ground where they were laying. They had watched the movie “Mouse Trap” the day before and they were telling me all about it. Apparently it was the best movie ever made. After telling me about all of it and it’s glory, they convinced us to go up the mountain behind the Hogar. We gathered up the rest of the people who stayed… which weren’t very many (Five was the total count).
It was such a beautiful day. The five of us climbed up on top of a water tank and looked out at the view. I had brought a bag with me because the kids said there were mangos. Unfortunately some of the other kids had been there sometime before us and picked all of them. We were bummed, but the kids said there was still hope because there was a tamarind tree if we walked farther. We kept going up the trail and to my surprise, the trail opened up to a big open space. The sun was shining through the blossoming trees and there wasn‘t a person in sight. The kids brought us to a tamarind tree and two of them climbed right up (these monkey children all climb trees in a split second). Tarynn followed the kids up while Maria and I stayed below to catch the tamarinds. Sometimes our heads would actually catch them (which wasn’t always an accident).
After that, we went the other way to visit Dario’s mom. She is such a sweet lady (just like her son). She gave us some food and let us pick some mangoes from her tree. Her other son (another monkey child) climbed up the tree and picked the mangoes for us. After experiencing the pain of tamarinds falling on my head, I decided I wouldn’t test the mangoes.
We rushed back as the sun was setting and made it just in time for worship. We all sat under the stars listening to the worship talk. I must confess… I wasn’t listening to a word she said. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much God has blessed me. Days like these remind me how much God delights in us. He wants us to enjoy his nature and enjoy the company of his other children.
I love Sabbaths. We usually go on some nature outing with the kids. Today some of the kids went to the lake, some went to the river, and others went to visit someone’s grandmother. There were only a few kids left at the Hogar and at first I enjoyed the sweet quiet time by playing guitar outside. That was great for a while, but being with kids all the time, I get bored a lot easier if they’re not around. I went back into the courtyard to find two girls laying there listening to music. I brought some lollipops and plopped myself down on the ground where they were laying. They had watched the movie “Mouse Trap” the day before and they were telling me all about it. Apparently it was the best movie ever made. After telling me about all of it and it’s glory, they convinced us to go up the mountain behind the Hogar. We gathered up the rest of the people who stayed… which weren’t very many (Five was the total count).
It was such a beautiful day. The five of us climbed up on top of a water tank and looked out at the view. I had brought a bag with me because the kids said there were mangos. Unfortunately some of the other kids had been there sometime before us and picked all of them. We were bummed, but the kids said there was still hope because there was a tamarind tree if we walked farther. We kept going up the trail and to my surprise, the trail opened up to a big open space. The sun was shining through the blossoming trees and there wasn‘t a person in sight. The kids brought us to a tamarind tree and two of them climbed right up (these monkey children all climb trees in a split second). Tarynn followed the kids up while Maria and I stayed below to catch the tamarinds. Sometimes our heads would actually catch them (which wasn’t always an accident).
After that, we went the other way to visit Dario’s mom. She is such a sweet lady (just like her son). She gave us some food and let us pick some mangoes from her tree. Her other son (another monkey child) climbed up the tree and picked the mangoes for us. After experiencing the pain of tamarinds falling on my head, I decided I wouldn’t test the mangoes.
We rushed back as the sun was setting and made it just in time for worship. We all sat under the stars listening to the worship talk. I must confess… I wasn’t listening to a word she said. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much God has blessed me. Days like these remind me how much God delights in us. He wants us to enjoy his nature and enjoy the company of his other children.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
April 4
Today some of us went to a waterfall. It was a really nice break from taking care of the girls. We drove for about an hour to get to the starting point and then hiked for a little bit until we go there. The weather was cold because we were up in the mountains, but somehow the kids still convinced me to get in the water… or was it that they splashed water on me until I got in? I can’t remember. J Either way, it was a lot of fun.
Sometimes I forget that I’m in Honduras. Outings such as this one remind me where I am and how lucky I am to have this opportunity. I live in this beautiful country and I can drive forty five minutes and literally be in the jungle. I went swimming by a waterfall today and drove back home in the back of a pick up truck while it was raining. I know that may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I definitely loved it. Life back at home is nothing like life over here and I know that I’m going to miss it. Sometimes I don’t always make the most of my time here and instead of choosing to go out and have an adventure with the kids, I choose to stay behind. I hope that I don’t do that these last two months. I want to soak in all that I can before I have to leave it all behind.
Sometimes I forget that I’m in Honduras. Outings such as this one remind me where I am and how lucky I am to have this opportunity. I live in this beautiful country and I can drive forty five minutes and literally be in the jungle. I went swimming by a waterfall today and drove back home in the back of a pick up truck while it was raining. I know that may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I definitely loved it. Life back at home is nothing like life over here and I know that I’m going to miss it. Sometimes I don’t always make the most of my time here and instead of choosing to go out and have an adventure with the kids, I choose to stay behind. I hope that I don’t do that these last two months. I want to soak in all that I can before I have to leave it all behind.
April 2
It’s my second day with the girls and I’ve already cried. Today I had to get them to clean their room before they showered for vespers. I was trying so hard, but no one would listen. They also kept reminding me that they didn’t like me and wanted me to go back to America because they wanted the other volunteer back. They gave me so much attitude, I wanted to scream. So instead of screaming, I just walked out of the room and fast walked to my room, closed the door and cried. I think the girls realized they had pushed me to my point and one of the girls came in after a while and said they had cleaned the room. Thankfully I had enough time to fix my face. I know that it’s hard for them because year after year, they become close to someone and they end up leaving. They have to have a defense mechanism. I don’t blame them for my mini break down, I’m just frustrated with the situation. I don’t know how to fix it and I’m tired of having to fight with them all the time.
March 30
Okay, so one more day of freedom. I have tomorrow left and then I’m going to have to take care of the girls starting on Thursday. Amanda already gave me advice on how to handle the girls in certain situations and she gave me all of her equipment (stickers, charts, a christian spanish CD for kids, etc.). I should feel ready to take them on, but it‘s not like that at all. But the more I think about it, there’s another part of me that is telling me that I need it. You know how we often take advantage of the things we need the most? Well, maybe this experience will help me open my eyes more and more and help me not go a moment without falling on my knees for help. Maybe it will force me to realize (and realize it often) that I need God‘s power to work through me and in me. I can’t do it on my own and I need to ask for help.
March 28
Today is my weekend work day. I just finished putting the girls to sleep and I’m extremely tired. The girl that usually takes care of them tells them stories at night. This is a lot harder than it sounds. In case you forgot… I’m in Honduras. I’m still dealing with these things in Spanish. I‘m not where I want to be in my Spanish, but I’m still trying my hardest to tell them stories on the days I put them to bed. I’m surprised the girls don’t pass on the stories. They still want to hear it even though they have to wait extra long for the words to come out of my mouth and a lot of times they have to correct me. Thankfully they’re patient with me in that area. The problem is, as soon as Amanda leaves this week, they’re going to be asking me for more stories. While this may be good for my Spanish, it means I have to work extra hard to search for stories. I’m already struggling to remember stories. Don't judge me, but...I took the video fifty first dates and told them that… well… the general idea. Girl has a serious problem, guy falls in love with her, guy works to get her, girl doesn’t want him to get hurt, guy leaves, guy comes back, happy ending. I only hope they understood. Uncle Arthur, where are you when I need you?
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